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The Mostly Mental Mom
Real talk on the rollercoaster of mental health—it's affect on every part of your life, survival hacks, and a little bit of funny banter to remind you that showing up for yourself is the most important thing you can do in the mental health game!
The Mostly Mental Mom
EP.5 BTS | The Holiday Strain On Mental Health
Ever felt like the holiday season is a pressure cooker ready to explode? As someone who has navigated the tumultuous waters of mental health challenges during this supposedly joyous time, I’m here to share my own journey and insights. Join me on the Mostly Mental Mom podcast as we pull back the festive curtain to reveal the hidden struggles faced by mental health survivors amid the holiday chaos. From the unrealistic expectation to be perpetually cheerful, to financial stress, and the all-too-common feelings of isolation, we explore why this time of year can be particularly daunting. Let's challenge the traditional six-week holiday sprint and instead embrace a year-round celebration of our loved ones.
In our candid conversation, we also tackle the daunting task of setting boundaries when holiday commitments threaten to overwhelm. I open up about the exhaustion social obligations can bring and the courage it takes to say no, even when it might upset others. Prioritizing self-care isn't selfish—it's essential. We’ll explore practical strategies like mindfulness and grounding techniques to help manage anxiety and maintain mental well-being during the holiday hustle. Remember, those who truly care will respect our choices and boundaries. Tune in for a heartfelt and empowering discussion on finding balance and preserving peace of mind through the holiday season.
Show up friends!
Lauren | The Mostly Mental Mom
Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Mostly Mental Mom podcast. This is Lauren, your podcast host and your resident Mostly Mental Mom. This is episode 5, you guys of the Mostly Mental Mom podcast. I'm not going to lie, I'm honestly a little bit surprised that I'm staying on schedule. So this episode is going to be dropping on Sunday, december 15th, and super excited for you to listen to it Excited again, wrong word. But we're going to keep rolling. So we're going to move into a different label of category, so to speak, for the podcast.
Speaker 1:Lately. Lately, as in all four episodes that are out, they have the initial tag of Real Talk. Those are initiated literally by me just having a moment of. I need to, I need this needs to be on the podcast. It's part of why I'm doing what I'm doing and I come and I tell you. But I want it to be more than that and thankfully it's evolving in my own planning and thought process of the podcast. But so today I bring you a new category, I guess, for how you'll kind of see and you've seen this with other podcasts If you watch or follow anybody, how they will kind of preface a podcast episode so you know like it's a guest podcast or this is about fun facts, you know, whatever, I can't think of good examples at the moment, but anyways, to get back to this content, uh, this episode is behind the scenes. From a mental health survivor, um, life expert is what I have come to learn from the fellow community as to how we kind of can refer ourselves because we're the ones living with the disorders.
Speaker 1:But, behind the scenes, bts of the holiday strain on mental health is today's topic. So, without further ado, let me go ahead and dive into today's episode. The holidays are stressful for everyone, but the children I'm pretty sure they're the only ones excluded here work around 5 million family members, or no family members, or work schedules, or you name it, and it's stressful for everyone, not just mental health, it's just stressful. So we all should give each other a little bit of a break on this front. However, that is not my topic to discuss today. It is specifically mental health related. So, um, let's go ahead and get into it further, and I've said get into it like three times already. I'm just acknowledging these things I do now so I can reference them later, but I'm not wasting time and I'm releasing the podcast. It is what it is'all. If you don't like my planning, then that's fine, totally fine anyways.
Speaker 1:So the strain of the holidays on mental health there's a pressure to be perky and happy and perfect and everything just top notch. You got to see all these people and update them on your lives and you don't want to tell your great aunt Sue that you've been in bed for 10 days and you're depressed all the time because she's going to look at you and tell you that in the great depression this wasn't a problem and you just needed to get over it and move along. Thanks, aunt Sue, thank you, thank you. So there's that.
Speaker 1:There's the financial stress, which I mentioned a second ago. That is a stressor on all of us across the globe. For me in particular, finances are a hot topic, not a hot topic, a very frustrating and upsetting topic because my bipolar has wreaked havoc on that front. So there's the financial stress. There's loneliness and isolation of this building up in you that you don't want to be around people you are, you know. There's anxiety building up and that's making your isolation and the stress of doing this worse. And then there's, maybe, loneliness and isolation because maybe you don't have a big family or maybe you have strife with your family, and so you're not going to be seeing these people for the holidays, and so there's a lot of factors that come into it, which goes into grief and loss. So if you have lost someone and they're not there all of these things I named four topics just now that affect every human in the holiday season. It's just a mental health human. Our brain works differently and again, it's not an excuse, it is just simply how it is and we all have to do our part, like we do our part, to get better understand our mental health. And then everyone around us also has to show some empathy, just like we should show empathy to anybody else with anything that's going on in their lives. Every human should should do that. That's just very straightforward. But the holidays bring about a whole new level of stressors and a whole new kind of.
Speaker 1:What I don't like about it is that we put so much pressure on freaking six weeks out of the year, six weeks. We have all this other time in the year to celebrate and be with loved ones and sharing good times and all of the goodness that comes from holidays that are wonderful about holidays. Whatever you celebrate, whatever holiday you celebrate, insert this time block there this time block there. All of that could happen on a regular Saturday in fucking June. I know it's shocking, right, but we place so much pressure on this one chunk of the time of the year. That's not. It's in like someone come at me with the argument of but christ was born on the 25th 25th that is.
Speaker 1:We're not going into the religion topic. That's not my point and I'm not. I feel like all beliefs are valid, but I'm pretty sure that no one, whomever you believe in, has ever said you need to dedicate these six weeks from thanksgiving to christmas to do whatever the heck your family wants to do, to spend time together and spend ridiculous amounts of money on each other and to go to all these parties and to go into debt for it. And that didn't come from all the ogs of this time of the year. Y'all hate to break it to you, it's just, it's mind-blowing, but we place so much pressure on this.
Speaker 1:We teach our children that this. We don't teach them the reason for the season. If you're in the Bible belt, I'm in Texas, so that's why I referenced that. Um, we don't teach. That's not where it comes from. It comes from a whole different place. It comes from selfishness and from I can claim this holiday. You got to spend it with me and you got to. You know grandma's going to be sad if she doesn't see you. Well, go see grandma in October, right?
Speaker 1:So all that pressure builds just a mountain of anxiety Mountain. And guess what? It isn't just like build right before. It's not like Black Friday starts it. No, this starts January 1. We're getting ready for the next season of. Oh shit. What are we going to do for the holidays this year? Who are we going to upset? Who are we going to let down? Are we even going to be able to go? Am I going to have a panic attack? How am I going to explain it to everybody that I'm not going to be there? Do I say I have a stomach bug or do I actually say I have a panic attack? Guys, and who doesn't walk away from Christmas day going? Wow, that went by fast. Here it is and here it's gone All of us. So it's not.
Speaker 1:It's absolutely not worth the level of stress and pressure and guilt and shame that we put on one another for not being able to follow through on human set expectations for a holiday season, expectations for a holiday season and those of us that struggle With mental health disorders. We just want to run and hide. But that's absolutely not acceptable and because we are A lot At least from my experience we are pros at masking for as long as we possibly can. So we will mask for you, for the one asking us to be there for this certain time, certain day, because X, y, z is going to be there and they can only be there from two to four, so you need to be there from 2 to 4. And then we're going to drive an hour west to go see you. We do it, we try For years. We try to meet all of the holiday expectations, but it just keeps happening.
Speaker 1:There's absolutely no understanding. The these days like so I'm, my daughter, seven. I have a tiny, tiny, tiny family. We'll get in. Maybe we may go into that realm or not, I don't know, we'll see. Um, it's very small, so it's pretty easy. But even with just my small family, with their understanding it's, you're immediately brought with this like this.
Speaker 1:I let them down by asking to just spend Christmas day with my, my, the one, the ones in my home, the ones I see every day. I just want to relax, watch my daughter open presents and not go from town to town and house to house and all the things. I want to just spend it with the people here. That shouldn't be such an ask, but it is. Guilt is thrown out, shame is thrown out and I'm not. I'm not. This isn't about my family or anything. This isn't me. This isn't examples. This is just an observing point of view, from bird's eye view of bird's eye view of it's just not that big of a deal to put kind of pressure on people for a holiday.
Speaker 1:So, getting further into the episode, I kind of go a little bit of a tangent there. I know you aren't surprised at this point when, if you've listened to me yet, but with the stress of social gatherings and needing to be perfect and you know, not sure you know how you're gonna be able to present yourself when you've been in shambles for a year and this is the last time you saw these people, or last christmas, so now you gotta update them again. Yeah, no, still don't have a job. Or I had three jobs. They didn't work because I'm lauren and I had bipolar and I suck. So um, yeah, that's where we're going into people.
Speaker 1:But why? Why are holidays stressful. Why does our body respond to this heightened stress and its impact on our brains and how it functions? And what happens Like what? Well, I can tell you what I experienced. For years I have done the holidays, I've done everything I could do to try to meet expectations and for years it causes resentment for sure.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying that's healthy, I'm just acknowledging it. But then it also causes physical, like it causes sleep disturbances you get for the holiday seasons and when I'm anxious I'm gonna be up all night, I'm gonna eat crappy food and I'm going to be worrying about how to show up to these family functions and how to respond and all those things. And I know that anyone without a mental health disorder is going oh, I worry too. I know and I hear you I do. I don't want to discount it at all and I'm not and I don't know scientifically how my brain works. That is why they're experts. I'm a life expert in mental health. I'm here to tell you experience from someone that lives it every day. So just clarifying.
Speaker 1:But for me that build-up of stress causes a massive snowball effect and to me that's how, how I perceive and how I have at least kind of watched like other people deal with anxiety versus myself. Deal with anxiety, for instance, with okay, well, we'll stick with holidays right now sorry, I just took myself from going off on a tangent but um, for the holidays, let's say we're starting December 1 and the schedule's jam-packed of holiday events all the way up until Christmas day, where you're going to five different houses on Christmas day. What I would do, and what I have done, is I'm good for December 1. Fake it till you make it right. I can show up, show up, I can show out, I can look like I got it handled pretty well. But it's going to slowly decline, not to where anyone can notice. I'll feel it, but I will seem fine to everyone else. No one else will notice because I can really cover up. I can cover up to the very last second. So to me, this is the snowball. It's rolling on a very slow kind of slow hill, so it's gaining momentum. The snowball is getting larger, but not to a point to where it's out of control. Yet someone could stop it or help it or slow it down. It's it's declining and I'm aware of it, no one else is. But you get closer and closer to december 25th and that build up eventually just becomes. It's no longer a snowball y'all, it's a fucking avalanche, and when that hits, I'm done and out. There is no grace period, there's no middle ground. It's just like party before.
Speaker 1:The day before I was fine, lauren looked great, she was acting fine, lauren seemed healthy and all good. What's wrong with Lauren? The next day she's out for the count and I'm asleep for 24 hours because my brain goes nope. Complete overstimulation, to the point where it knocks me out. To the point where it knocks me out. I'm sorry, holidays are not. They shouldn't be worth that amount of pressure. So, speaking of overstimulation, holiday events are usually crowded. Lots of you got to be social, you got to have your best face and you know best foot forward.
Speaker 1:Most people with mental health disorders are either introverted probably that's just an assumption, um or you're like me. I'm an introverted, extrovert, so I'm able to be fine in front of you. However, inside I'm like help, help, help, like get me out, and all of that is taxing and we may be able to show up for you, and a lot of times we choose. That is what family needs to understand. Is that not only those that have mental health disorders, but everyone around is choosing to be there with you, choosing to be there with you, and so you have to take into account the pressure being placed on people and have empathy if either they can't do it or they're late, or they can't bring the green bean casserole. Can't bring the green bean casserole.
Speaker 1:It's to me, just that simple, and I don't know if that's just because I'm the messed up one that it makes it that simple. I'm not really sure, but I don't understand at all, because even just I hope I don't have those expectations on people that don't have a mental health disorder. I'm hoping this isn't real. Like I make sure that I make notes of this very podcast that I recorded that I'm going. Don't ever be that way, but we are human. So.
Speaker 1:But with the holidays literally around the corner, y'all, it's December 15th, we have 10 days until Christmas. If you're in the US, and that is a holiday that you celebrate, or wherever you are I don't know why I said US. My history and all things is really crap. You also put that out there. One day I will have my own Monica Padman. If you watch Armchair Expert with Tex Shepard, listen to Sorry Podcast, one of my faves. One day I'll have my own Monica Padman, beside me. That makes sure I say shit, right, hashtag goals Anywho. So, with the holidays coming up in two weeks time, let me make sure I don't have a panic attack here on the podcast. That would be a great branding, um.
Speaker 1:But speaking to those that have mental health disorders, I'm talking to you very specifically right now, because we can't change people. That's just not going to happen. Society has taught us that this is how we're supposed to behave and handle the holidays and family around the world hold expectations of everyone in certain ways, and we can't, we cannot, expect or hope to control anybody else other than ourselves, right? Expect or hope to control anybody else other than ourselves, right? So, with Christmas 10 days away, what do we do? What do we do for those of us that struggle with the pressure of the holidays and what it brings? We do things that unfortunately end up upsetting those around us. That's what we do sometimes. Yeah, you know what I'm about to say.
Speaker 1:We set boundaries. We have to say no to some events or commitments. We have to emphasize that. You know, self-care is more important over having all the presents wrapped perfectly and neatly under the tree, or having the perfect dinner prepared for family or having everyone together in the same room. At the same time, we have to set boundaries. We have to set boundaries and that, my friends, is the hardest one. That's why we went ahead and got it out of the way. I mean, someone, tell me that's easy for you. It's a lot, granted, I'll disclaimer. Setting boundaries is pretty. It's gotten a lot better for me, I will say that. However, it's still very challenging, just because, inherently with setting boundaries, you upset people and we take that personally and we internalize it, and then, a lot of times, it's very tempting to go oh, just kidding, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Of course we'll be there. Yeah, I've done that for years. I understand it's very hard, but that is very important to do. Though, if people care and love you, care about you and love you, then they should respect your boundaries and your boundary isn't.
Speaker 1:This is a holiday season we're talking about. We aren't saying I don't ever want to be around you anymore. We aren't saying I'm never coming to your house again, I want you out of my life. That's not what's happening here, linda. I don't know why I said Linda, it just felt right. It's for one season of the year, six weeks, and really we're probably talking like a span over the 21st, the 26th of December here, when we're getting together, you know, and all the things. So it's not personal, it's just we're trying to do what's best for ourselves and our family. Novel, right, but set the boundaries, friends. Just set the boundary Upset Linda.
Speaker 1:I don't really know if she'll get over it, but honestly, linda doesn't have to face your anxiety the next day or be out for the count for 24 hours because you showed up to the holiday event anyways. So we gotta, just we have to do it the best, what we know is best for our family and for our mental health. Those that are in your corner at the end of the day, those are your people. You may not have people in your corner for a bit, and that's why I'm here. So, with that said, mindfulness is key.
Speaker 1:Also, keeping ourselves grounded, breathing exercises and meditation or prayer, if that's what you're into, to stay present in your moment, to just try to breathe through it and to survive, quite literally. Um, maintaining whatever is regular, a routine for you, and seeking support, if that's reaching out to friends. A professional may not be family at this time of year, because that may be who is causing your strife and your Seeking support. If that's reaching out to friends A professional May not be family at this time of year, because that may be who is causing your strife and your stress Just kind of depends.
Speaker 1:But discussing it openly Is Crucial but honestly, so fucking hard Again. That's why I'm doing this podcast, because most of you probably don't have anyone to reach out to Openly. That's the key word there. You could probably reach out to someone and say I'm not okay and you'll get a genuine response from their perspective and that's no fault of theirs. But it's very hard to really discuss openly what's happening in your brain. But try, is that sending me an email, getting a hold of me somehow on this podcast, y'all, I'm here for it. I don't know, maybe we do an old school like dial in hotline Just to talk about how hard it is. This isn't the deepest of the deepest depressive moments. This isn't dark. This is just.
Speaker 1:We're fighting a battle in our head, but also up against the world's expectations that go through the roof, like prices on toys and food from November to December, and we don't know how to do it. No one's navigating it for us. All of us are different and experiencing it differently and we don't have anyone to talk to about it, because most people just go, yeah, I'm overwhelmed too, and we go, I know, know, because then we're like, well, in our heads we're like, yeah, you don't get it, but I'm just gonna sit here and nod and agree because that's the easiest way to keep this conversation moving along and for me to get out of here and go ahead and go lay down and, you know, cop out for an hour nap, because that's all we can do. Cop out for an hour now, because that's all we can do. Um, but I don't know if this was at all helpful to talk about the holiday season or if my input was.
Speaker 1:Um, but you have to make sure you are listening to yourself and what you know is going to either tip you over the scale or you're. You're good and it's okay to have those. It's okay to push yourself for the sake of being there and being present with people like there's. It's okay to push your limits some everyone does it but you don't want to push yourself to a point where you can't come back from or you're having to take six more weeks in January and February to recover. That's where you gotta find balance and you gotta set those boundaries.
Speaker 1:Everyone, you have to set the boundaries and I know setting boundaries is like I feel like it's worse than saying fuck, honestly, because it means that someone else isn't getting their way and you got to tell them and you got to take that guilt because they're not gonna, they're not gonna, let you just slide. And so for some reason, we have let that be like not, it's not worth doing, I'm not gonna do it, not gonna set the boundary, because I don't want to deal with the repercussions. Do you want to deal with the repercussions of having a panic attack and getting hospitalized because you just put yourself over your limit? And, hi, family members, are you listening to what your expectations? Do to your loved ones sometimes when you're irrationally selfish. Do to your loved ones sometimes when you're irrationally selfish, solid pause, because I needed you to think about that. Okay, cool, glad, we're all on the same page.
Speaker 1:So set the boundaries and reach out to people if you can. If you can't, please reach out to me. That is quite literally why I'm here. Um, I'm trying to just build, uh, community. Yeah, I paused because I'm trying to figure out how I want to describe it, but Just build a community. Yeah, I paused because I'm trying to figure out how I want to describe it, but I'm really kind of trying to build like bravery I think it's kind of coming to me in real time but bravery for other people to do the same thing that I'm doing.
Speaker 1:There are people I have met them and there are I know there are more of you out there and doesn't mean starting a podcast, it just means showing up for yourself and for your day, for your life, and that is very important for those of us that struggle with mental health and we have to evaluate every situation and every move, and in a different light that, quite frankly, no one else is going to understand, except for you, really, just you. I won't understand it fully, your journey is different than mine, and for those that don't struggle with mental health, you have a story too, and I'll never understand it, but you should tell it anyways Because I would love to listen to it and try to understand. So, as we go in to this last leg of the holiday season, to this last leg of the holiday season, my ask of all of you those with mental health disorders, those that are supporting those with mental health and then just random people that may stumble across this podcast Seek to listen. Sometimes that's just where it stops, frankly, is literally just seek to listen. You don't have to even get to a point of understanding or try to understand. Sometimes we all just need to be heard and then all the rest of it actually usually unfolds in the process. That's like. That's the best part, is like if we just stop long enough to take our egos out, then we can open up a world of change.
Speaker 1:Um, I realize that probably won't happen this holiday season. I mean, christmas is 10 days away, but I don't know, maybe I can get Santa a letter real quickly. But take care of yourself, love your loved ones. You can love everyone in your life for the holiday season without being physically in a room with them. It's possible. And you can also see them in January. It's like, hmm, what six days later? So just tell everyone to breathe and get over it and do what's best for you. Y'all. Okay, if you get stressed out, breathe deep, go run around the block, something healthy but try to just try to take care of yourself, okay.
Speaker 1:Anyways, I hope that y'all enjoyed the first BTS episode behind the scenes. I'm going to stick my lingo in here as we go, just so you recognize it but BTS behind the scenes episode. So, as we go along, I will pick topics that are already talked about, you know, and just take it behind the scenes as the one living in the in this role, and what does it actually do? I don't know if I did a great job of that today, but it's a start. I'm not going to beat myself up over it. So, with that said, I'm Lauren, your resident mostly mental mom and podcast host. Let's do a few housekeeping tips before we head out today and then I'll get you on your way.
Speaker 1:All right, so Buzzsprout, if you're looking to start a podcast, they are my favorite, favorite, favorite. I love them. I love the ease of uploading my episodes and, bam, within 24 hours it's on like oh gosh, I can't even count. Like over 15 different platforms, platforms I didn't even know existed, y'all. It's so great and I love it. And you can just send this one link from Buzzsprout to all your people and then they can pick the platform they want to listen to it on. You don't have to be like hey, you like Spotify? Hey, do you like apple podcasts? And send them the specific link. You just send them your buzzsprout link and you're good to go.
Speaker 1:Okay, referral link is in this episode. I think I lied and said it was in the last one and I forgot to put it in there. But if you're looking for, looking to start a podcast, click on that link. You'll get some discount, so that'll be good. Um, pre-os. That's my mic and recording gear. Uh, I'm going to link it as well for anyone interested in using that for your podcasting and other than that, stay tuned. Also, I don't know, stay tuned also for, uh, the guest appearance I had on Michael Vanzetta's podcast Content with a Cause coming out, hopefully next week. So I will definitely keep you guys posted and updated on that. I'm so excited and yeah, so I think that's all I got for today. Y'all. Y'all, have a wonderful rest of your day whenever you're listening to this. Thank you for tuning in. I am humbled and grateful for each and every one of you and until next time. This is Lauren signing off.
